She's Not Mine!
by obsidians
Summary: Ukyo offers to mind a baby for some restaurant clients while they are away on business but doesn't really know how to, so she has to enlist the help of our favourite kendoist who proves to be curiously apt in this department but there are rumours at school as to the actual parentage of the child. Now sure about lemons yet lol.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Ranma 1/2 or its characters nor do I make any profit from writing these stories.

Ukyo had been serving the Ono family in her restaurant since before their daughter, Kisa was born and they were some of her favourite customers, they came to eat at her place at least once a week and were a kindly couple and generous tippers. Their daughter at three months of age was a cute little girl with quite an abundance of soft black hair for her age, pale skin and large blue eyes, who always seemed to be smiling whenever Ukyo saw her. She showed them to their table and couldn't help noticing that they looked stressed over something. Ukyo couldn't help overhearing them as they discussed where to find a babysitter on short notice.

"This is an opportunity we can't miss" Akio Ono said.

"Yes it would be great for our jobs, but what to do about Kisa? There simply isn't time to find someone to babysit her for a week, if we have to leave the day after tomorrow" her husband, Tama said.

"Excuse me I couldn't help overhearing. Are you looking for someone to watch Kisa?" Ukyo asked them.

"Yes we were offered the job of hosting a presentation booth for our work in American and would be gone for a week" Akio explained. "We can't take her with us because we would be working the booth all day long."

Ukyo looked at the super cute and amiable baby and thought it would be a great opportunity to learn parenting skills for when she had children of her own...even though she had hardly ever even been in the same room as a baby on a personal level, let alone minded one even for a short time. But then she decided it couldn't be that hard. "I'll be happy to look after her while you are gone" she volunteered.

"That would be wonderful! But how are you going to manage your restaurant and school at the same time...and take care of Kisa too?" Akio asked her.

"Piece of cake, she can stay in the restaurant with me and I'll take her to school with me too" Ukyo assured her.

"You're a lifesaver" Akio said, hugging the teenaged girl. "We'll drop everything you need off tomorrow with a list of instructions and all the contact numbers you will need," she assured her.

Ukyo was alarmed by the amount of stuff that was required for having a baby stay over, they seemed to have brought their entire nursery and she felt overwhelmed at what half of it was for and the lists of instructions seemed endless. The young parents had seemed to be reluctant to leave her, but soon Ukyo was alone and picked up the napping Kisa; she yawned widely, opened up her beautiful eyes...and started wailing to be in unfamiliar surroundings with a stranger.

Ukyo was frantically pacing the floor an hour later with a red-in the-face-infant as she shoved against her and Ukyo obliged her by carrying her at arm's length. "Come on Kisa, are you hungry, you do need to be changed, are you hot? Please answer me" Ukyo begged, not having a clue how to handle the situation. She was almost glad when there was a knock on the door and answered it to find Kuno there. "Hello Ukyo Kuonji, I've come to pay you the balance I owe you for hosting the Kendo.." he started and he actually seemed to at a loss for words as he studied the unfamiliar sight of his schoolmate holding a shrieking baby. "What is that?" he asked, pointing at Kisa.

"A baby" Ukyo wondering if the somewhat dense Kendo jock had suddenly gotten denser.

"I can see that. What I'm wondering is _where_ it came from?" he replied.

"Her name is Kisa Ono and I'm babysitting her for while her parents are away on business" she said above Kisa's howls

"Oh, I see. In that case, here is the balance owed" Kuno said, handing it to her.

"If you wouldn't mind" Ukyo said handing Kisa to him and turning to write him an updated receipt, when she realized the small girl had gone silent. She turned back in shock to see him expertly cradling her and she had stopped crying and snuffling and was studying him.

"How did you do that?" she asked him. "She hasn't stopped crying for over an hour."

"Babies just seem to like me" he said with a shrug. "I think she needs changing" he added, wrinkling his nose.

"Yes I was just about to look up the instructions on how to do that" she commented.

"Instructions? Didn't you learn how to do that from your previous experiences in babysitting?" he asked her.

"I've never babysat before" she explained.

"Have you taken a course on how to mind infants?" he asked in a hopeful sounding voice as dread settled over him.

"No, I volunteered as I was trying to help the Onos' out, they're a great couple and figured; how hard can it be?" she said with a nervous chuckle.

"How hard can it be? Parents take classes in preparation for the coming of their offspring, they read literature on the subject and receive instructions from their obstetrician. And there is normally _two_ of them for one infant. Also people take classes prior to taking on the responsibility of babysitting; and you figured you could just _wing it on your own_?" he said in an incredulous voice. "Do you even know how to prepare a bottle of formula?" he demanded.

"The instructions are on the package" she said holding a can out to him.

He seemed to shake his head and sighed as he read the can and then said, "let me come in and I'll help you in your venture" he offered.

"You know how to look after a baby?" she asked as he picked up a foldable pad that she had been puzzling over as to its purpose and set it on her dresser, while getting the diaper bag without seeming to have to guess what it was.

"Yes, soon after my father left, a well intentioned and newly divorced Aunt moved into our place with a view to looking after my sister and myself, bringing with her her three children who were all under the age of three, which consisted of a pair of twins girls and their brother. However her nanny quit soon after and it turned out my Aunt wasn't very good with small children, so the bulk of her children's care fell on me, she would order me to do something and I had to figure out how it was done. This went on for weeks until a new nanny was hired, suffice it to say I learned to master Kendo _and_ childrearing all at the same time" he explained as he put Kisa onto the pad and opened her onsies. "Now watch and learn" he said as he put a fresh diaper underneath the old and peeled the dirty one back. "The first step is washing your hands as I already did."

"That's disgusting" Ukyo complained at the smell.

"Welcome to parenting" Kuno said as he handed her the baby wipes. "Now we have to clean her up" he explained.

"You expect me to touch that!" she cried.

"Some mother you're going to make" he muttered, "first you grab her ankles and gently pull them up to lift her bottom and clean like this, making sure you get into the creases her thighs and buttocks. Pat her dry with a cloth and then apply rash cream to make sure she doesn't get diaper rash and then you put on the new diaper and dress her" he explained, folding the tabs down and then redressing her in her onsie. "There, all done" he said holding a now smiling baby and he smiled back. Ukyo found it kind of strange to see the pompous, egotistical boy displaying a natural paternal side to his character that she would never have suspected him of having, but found it to be oddly endearing.

"That's amazing, you're really good at this stuff" Ukyo said in awe, seeing him in a different light.

"It's all a matter of practice. "Now where is your bottle heater and thermometer?" he asked her.

"I don't know" she admitted.

"Just how long is Kisa staying with you?' Kuno asked her.

"For a week" Ukyo said.

"Little lady, you came here with a death wish" he commented and rummaged around until he found what he was looking for in the pile Ukyo had put together and labeled in her head 'no clue as to use.' "Here you take her, I'll get her bottle ready. I'll need a pot to sterilize everything. Where do you keep them?" he asked her. She watched as he boiled everything and then prepared the formula and slipped the bottle into the bottle warmer.. "Now where is her travel cot or do you intend to have her sleep with you?" he asked her.

"I don't know" she said, trying to figure out how to cradle the young girl; Kuno had made it look so easy.

The tall man sighed a sigh that could only be described as world weary and seemed to be examining the pile of baby stuff, until with a cry of triumph, he picked up a zippered package and proceeded to set it up on the floor beside her bed.

"So now what?" she asked him.

"You get to feed her because I have done everything else" he said and she reached for the bottle. "Wash your hands first, I didn't spend all that time sterilizing everything so you could compromise Kisa's immune system" he ordered her, pulling it from her reach and shamefaced, she did.

Ukyo was almost blushing at the critical scrutiny of her by Kuno as she held Kisa on her lap. "Good, support her head a little higher, brush the nipple of the bottle again her lips and she'll latch on and when she rolls away from it, let her, she's had enough. " he explained. Ukyo followed his instructions and found herself being touched at how trustingly the tiny girl accepted the bottle from her. She felt a tightening in her chest when one tiny hand snagged a piece of her long hair, until the same tiny hand gave it a tug that would have been more expected from a baby Ryoga than little girl baby.

"Ow", she complained and glared when Kuno started laughing, clearly he seemed to be in a good mood that day.

"They can be rather strong at any age" he observed.

"So now what?" she asked him.

"You put her to bed and I leave" he answered. "But you might want to take this" he said holding a card out to her.

"What is it?" she asked.

"My private number if you have further questions." he said and hitched his bokken over his shoulder and walked into the sunset and at the very moment Kisa startled awake at the sound of the door closing and Ukyo let out a huge sigh, anticipating a long night ahead of her.


	2. Chapter 2

Ukyo groggily got herself and Kisa ready for the day and made a mental note to herself to ask Kuno how to bathe her and then checked the contents of the diaper bag and compared it with the list that Akio had made and topped up what needed to be added. "Diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, plastic bags, bottles of formula, blanket, clean cloths, extra clothes and make sure she wears hat if it is a sunny day" she read off, not believing how much crap was needed to take one small baby out for the day. Still she felt like Mom of the Year as she managed to get Kisa fed, changed and dressed all by herself and put her into her stroller, draped a blanket over her and strapped her in place. She had chosen a yellow warm weather onsies and had found a matching hat for it with cat ears on it that matched the cat face on the top. Looking at the now silent girl with a feeling of accomplishment, she wheeled the stroller out and locked her place behind her.

To say that the sight of Ukyo wearing her male high school uniform wheeling a baby carriage to school didn't startle some people is an understatement and she seemed oblivious to all the stares and hushed speculations as she happily called good morning to people. She first stopped at the office to get permission from Principal Kuno to be able to take Kisa to classes with her.

"Good morning Sempai" she said with a bow as she wheeled Kisa's stroller into his office.

"Good morning K K...how you be doing this fine morning, Miss Kuonji..?" he said and then in almost a perfect imitation of his son from the night before he asked, "What that be?" pointing and going red in the face at the implication of what was the baby carriage contained.

"This is Kisa Ono" Ukyo said lifting her up. "I'm looking after her for a week. However, due to my work schedule and her tender age and that I don't have anyone else to leave her with, it will be necessary for me to take her to school with me. Can you agree to allow her to come here? she asked him.

He frowned at this, clearly not believing her that she just happened to be minding the child. "She shall only be here until next Tuesday, no longer than that" she assured him.

"Okay I say you can, but you leave the classroom when she gets fussy and you have to make certain you get caught up on any classes you miss" he said. "I'll write you a note to this effect to show to your teachers" he said, feeling sorry for the young girl and wondering what boy had gotten her into trouble, not realizing in his madness that he had seen her around the school many times with her belly as flat as a pancake each time.

"Oh one other thing, there's a fellow schoolmate who has more knowledge about children than I do and I might have to consult with on very short notice during that time. Can you write him a letter to show to his teachers as well?" she asked him.

"Sure, which one?" he asked, leaning in close to find out the name of the supposed father of her child.

"Tatewaki Kuno" she said.

"T-tachi?" he said in surprise.

"I don't know who or what that is" she said in an uneasy tone of voice. Wondering if the pineapple tree-topped eccentric was finally losing it.

"Never mind, you're dismissed" he said.

Letter in hand, Ukyo wheeled Kisa in the direction of her homeroom when two things started to happen, Kisa suddenly started bawling and Ukyo went and picked her up to bounce her a bit and her phone rang. So she had to balance the baby and her phone at the same time, so she effectively had Kisa bawling in her ear while she had a client trying to book a private party for that very night. Finally she agreed but then realized that she had painted herself into a corner as she would have to find someone to watch Kisa. A normal night at her restaurant, no one would care about her having a baby there, but a not where it was packed to the gills by a corporate crowd, with them paying corporate money. She hung up and tried to sooth Kisa to no avail, her tiny body was heaving with sobs. Thinking there might be something drastically wrong she panicked and pushed the stroller as fast as she could to where she knew Kuno's homeroom to be.

Flinging open the door and not caring about the staring students. She hurriedly said, "I'm sorry Sempai, I need to borrow Kuno for a few minutes, it's an emergency. I have a letter from the Principal dismissing him for such times as I need him" she explained and glanced to where he was seated. He wore him school uniform for once and seemed to be blushing a red colour that looked to be almost painful and his normally languid eyes seemed to have gone hugely wide in shock as he regarded the sight of her pushing the stroller towards him, while holding a crying Kisa, that was equally as red in the face as himself.

The teacher meanwhile was reading the note she had given him and his own eyes had gone wide at the place where the principal had written "is to be dismissed as he is apparently jointly responsible for the baby's well being." His eyes slowly travelled from the paper to his student, who seemed to be experiencing a shock of some sort and could only wonder at that. "Kuno, I cannot have my class disrupted in this manner, please go with Miss Kuonji and see what needs to be done for your child and then rejoin everyone at your first class" he ordered him and he wondered why Kuno appeared to look like he was about to have a heart attack at what he had said.

"Yes sir" he said to people's muffled snickers and strolled ahead of her from the class with as much dignity as possible, not failing to catch Nabiki's smirk and finger wave before he departed. Finding an abandoned classroom, he indicated for Ukyo to follow him. "Ukyo Kuonji, are you trying to embarrass me?' he asked her in an even sounding tone of voice.

"No I need your help, she won't stop crying and I have a favour to ask of you as well. Yeesh why are you so mad any way?" she demanded.

"Please tell me what it looks like when a teenaged girl shows up in school with a baby that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere? Wait let me finish. So add to that, that she suddenly seeks out a _certain_ teenaged boy, armed with a note stating that he should be dismissed when _a certain_ baby needs attention" he explained, spelling it out to her.

"Oh," she said. "Oh my god" she said going red at the implication.

"Precisely, now I don't mind helping out but don't need people believing that _I'm_ responsible partially for her existence" he said.

"Sorry I didn't think about it, I mean we've all been taught biology and sex ed in school at some point, so they must realize that I've never carried a child to term, they see me every day" she said patting her flat belly for emphasis.

"Teenage logic is inherently stupid, I'm sure they'll come up with something to gossip about. In the meantime, let's see what the trouble is" Kuno said as he picked up Kisa and examined her diaper.

"You pulled the tabs too tight and one came loose and got caught on her skin" he explained as he put Kisa back to rights and then paced the floor with her again, bouncing her and humming to her until she calmed down. "Now what is this other favour?" he asked her.

"Could you watch her tonight for a little while? I had someone book a private party. Please" she begged him, giving him a cute look.

"I have kendo practice after school. Couldn't you ask your fiancé? I'm sure Kasumi Tendo would be great with babies," He suggested.

"I don't have time to ask her and Kisa seems to really like you" she begged him.

With a sigh he said. "Okay I can take her to practice with me, but you owe me _big_ time. Got it?" he growled.

"Nothing weird" she said, looking at him through narrowed eyes.

"Of course not, what kind of a man do you take me for?" he asked indignantly, feeling grossly insulted.

"Okay" she said and they shook on it.

Kendo practice was the worst one he had ever held, his commands were pretty much ignored as his men either made funny faces at Kisa to see if they could get her to smile, which she did in almost every case, clearly basking in the attention or else seemed to be looking for a family resemblance between the two of them. It didn't help that he had to feed her in the middle of practice matches, so he had to sit there feeding her while shouting orders, that seemed ludicrous at the domestic scene they were presenting. He was certain the pink duckie blanket she was swaddled in didn't help matters.

"Okay that is it; everyone take a seat! You all for some stupid reason seem to think this is my child and Ukyo Kuonji is her mother. That is patently untrue. Kisa Ono has a mother and father who are away on business for this week, hence why her last name matches neither of our own. So she is not my love child nor came from a surrogate we hired as the groundless rumors are saying. It seems to have to teach you a lesson in simple biology," he said and wrote 'Procreation' on the board in large letters. "Now what happens when a woman gets pregnant?" he asked them.

"Their boobs get really big?" one person suggested.

"Good, 'big boobs'" he wrote.

"They get all these weird cravings" another said.

"Cravings" he wrote.

"They're supposed to get really horny" another said and everyone laughed at this.

'Pregnancy hormones' he wrote.

"They get this huge belly" someone else added and that joined the list.

"Okay, that's enough. Now I ask of you; have _any_ of you noticed Ukyo Kunoji sporting an enlarged bosom, or belly, eating strange food combinations or appearing particularly amourous towards me at any given time?" he shouted and everyone looked sheepish at this statement. "Sorry I didn't mean to shout" he said as Kisa made a light cry at this, making people look at him suspiciously again. "I am helping Ukyo babysit Kisa because she has little experience with infants and I have more than I should due to unforeseen family events. No it doesn't involve my sister," he added and sighed as he felt he was just digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole and blamed Ukyo. "Okay you are dismissed and I suggest you keep your minds out of the gutter the next time we have practice" he called after them.

Kuno was vastly relieved when Kodachi wasn't home to have to explain Kisa's presence to her as well. He made a quick dinner and then went into his dojo to work out the plans for the next practice and paced through his forms while his tiny companion gurgled on the large cushion where he had placed her on the floor and waved her tiny arms and legs around. He had to admit she was really cute. He picked her up and laughed when she grabbed the end of the bokken he still held in one hand. "What you want to learn Kendo?" he laughed and then gently moved slowly through some forms while she smiled at his antics. "I think we have to get you a smaller bokken" he teased her. From there their playing just went downhill as he whirled her around as if they were dancing and then the airplane games began and he was running from one end of the dojo to the other, holding her aloft as she laughed. He only stopped when he heard someone clear their throat and he turned and blushed painfully red again as both his sister and Ukyo stood there watching him with bemused expressions on their faces.


	3. Chapter 3

Ukyo smiled at the cute scene before her; both Kisa and Kuno had obviously been enjoying each other's company.

"Hello Brother Dear, I met Ukyo at the door and was surprised at what she was seeking at our house and didn't actually believe her at first, until Sasuke confirmed that there was a baby here with you and told me where you could be found. Care to explain who this is?" Kodachi asked.

"This is Kisa Ono and I'm babysitting her while her parents are away and your bother has been helping me. He's going to make a great father. You could even call him the baby whisper" Ukyo explained, causing Kuno to blush at his sister's scrutiny, dearly wishing that Ukyo had added the word "someday" when she indicated that he was going to make a good father. It sounded like she was planning to procreate with him at any second as result. It was bad enough to be caught playing the fool by his sister without having her speculate on his relationship with Ukyo.

"That's interesting. Ah I see you retained that knowledge from when Aunt Cruella made you a slave to those brats of hers" Kodachi observed.

"Aunt Cruella?" Ukyo questioned.

"Just a family nickname; she's really a strange one" Kodachi explained.

Ukyo didn't wish to speculate on what a strange Kuno would be like, in view of the three she knew were quite strange enough for her liking. "Oh" is all she said to this.

"If you wish me to help you get Kisa ready; I shall and then I believe I shall go soak in my onsen" he said.

"Oh that sounds good. I'm all covered with grease and have been on my feet all night long. Mind if I stay a bit and have a soak with you?" she asked him.

Kuno's could feel his face flooding red as he processed what she was suggesting. "You are not suggesting we bathe this together? Mixed bathing is for degenerates!" he cried.

"I can wear a bathing suit to make you feel more comfortable if you prefer, yeesh you're so modest. Kodachi, do you have one you can lend me?" she asked her.

Kodachi's eyes were wide with shock at the exchange, she would never even suggest the idea of bathing with Tatewaki and he was her own brother! She could only wonder what their relationship was if Ukyo was so causal about suggesting something so taboo. First of all a strange baby turns up in her own house and now her brother had suddenly become a co-parent to it. Then she decided she didn't care enough to find out she simply said. "Of course you can, I'll go get it and a yukata for you too" she said, departing. She went into her room and opened the chest where she had been storing the clothing she had ordered in advance for her and Ranma's honeymoon and pulled out the tiny bikini. She smiled, it barely even qualified as a bikini and she would miss it but she could always order a replacement and it would be fun to see how her brother would react to it on Ukyo.

"It's kind of small" Ukyo commented.

"It is all the rage to wear ones like this, please keep it with my compliments" she said sweetly.

"Okay, why not? But what about Kisa?" She asked her.

"I too have retained a certain amount of knowledge about small children, she can stay with me in my room and I'll come get you if she requires anything" she assured her.

Kuno was soaping himself up when he felt hands on his back and he turned around to see Ukyo there. "What are you doing? I'm naked!" he stammered.

"Relax sugar, I went to an all boy's school for a long time, I doubt you have anything on your body I haven't seen before. Here, let me soap up your back" she offered, taking the soap from him. "So tense? I promise you I won't look forward and check out your package" she assured him, wondering why he was blushing so much and then assumed it was probably because of the warm, damp air.

"Are you done?" he asked her in a strangled voice.

"Just a second sugar, you have the cutest little heart shaped mole on your right buttock" she pointed out as she poked at it. This caused him to jump. "You're so shy" she said in an amused sounding voice.

"No I have modesty in regards to interactions with the opposite sex; something that apparently you lack" he replied.

"Well your turn to do my back" she said, shrugging off her yukata, his jaw dropped at how tiny her bikini was and made a mental note to examine the rest of Kodachi's wardrobe.

"You got this from my sister?!" he cried.

"Apparently it's the new style. It knows it's kind of revealing, but it does cover all the naughty bits," she said with a shrug.

"If you say so," he said in a faint sounding voice, trying not to stare and failing miserably, he had never looked at the chef sexually before and now it was hard to avoid that in view of the fact it looked like she belonged on the cover of a porn magazine. He dumped the cold water over himself, glad of it for once to get rid of the 'effect' she was having on him, looping a towel around his waist, he turned around after she started the shower and was really glad that she had her back to him, when he noticed that her top was sitting beside her. "Why did you take your top off?" he asked her, trying not to notice as she soaped herself up.

She looked over her shoulder at him, "it fastens in the front, so it is easier if I take it off for you to wash my back" she said, handing him the soap. His hands were trembling as he ran the soap from her shoulders to the small of her back and she sighed and moaned slightly, which was _not_ helping.

"Okay, I'll see you in the water" he said in a strangled voice and got in a quickly as possible. He put a cloth on his head and felt his worries drain away as he closed his eyes and meditated on his favourite thing; his two loves. He glared when he was interrupted as Ukyo got in beside him, his onsen was huge, he didn't know why she had to occupy the same few meters as himself. "This is nice" she said as she settled beside him and leaned against a rock.

"It is" he said through clenched teeth.

"You have a nice place. Why do you never seem to invite anyone over?" she asked him and he frowned at this, not sure himself. He just never had anyone accept his invitation, he reasoned?

"Guests are just another word for intruders" he replied. "Let's just say I'm not very socialable" he ventured.

"But you were obviously having fun with Kisa" she pointed out.

"Babies are different, they don't ask questions and they don't judge" he replied.

"It just seems kind of a lonely way to live" she said.

"And you have so much excitement going on in your life? All you seem to do is work and go to school."

"I have a pole dancing class every Tuesday and belong to a club that goes to Rocky Horror once a month as well" she said.

"Pole dancing, as in on a stripper pole?" he asked her, feeling flustered at the notion.

"Hey there are over two hundred and fifty dance moves; it is a legitimate form of dance! Besides my teachers accepts students as young as eight and seniors class is every Thursday and you should see some of those elderly gals move!" she protested.

He just looked skeptical at that. "What is this Rocky Horror nonsense?" he asked her.

"You've never heard of The Rocky Horror Picture Show!" she cried and stood up and Kuno could only groan that the water had turned her micro bikini almost transparent and turned away, but not before registering that her nipples appeared to be pierced and wondered as to the purpose of this. Ukyo had all the modesty of a boy, it would appear.

"Your bikini" he said in a strangled voice.

She looked down curiously and said in a causal tone of voice, "I guess it doesn't cover the naughty bits much at all. Here, let me get back in the water to make you feel more comfortable" she added. "It is a movie released in the seventies where people make comments over it and do interactive stuff while it plays, like dancing. I've seen it two hundred and three times" she proudly explained.

Wasn't once sufficient?" he asked her.

"It's a status thing to see it as many times as I have" she explained. "Plus it's really fun, I go in costume" she added.

"Oh" Kuno said, underwhelmed.

"How about you, do you have any hobbies?" she asked him.

"Kendo" he said candidly, wondering if she had lost her mind.

"Anything besides that?" she asked.

"I like to read" he added.

"Wow it seems like you need to get a life" she commented.

"There's nothing wrong with my life" he protested.

"You and your sister haunt this huge place alone like a couple of lost souls. Where are your friends? What do you do on a Friday or Saturday night?" she asked him.

"This conversation is closed" he replied, and lay back and forced himself back into the world where he was kissing his Pigtailed Girl and then she reached for his...foot" he frowned in confusion at this and then realized that Ukyo had a hold of his foot. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Giving you a foot massage, massage is a talent of mine, I could give you a back rub that would dissolve your bones" she said.

"I really don't want a...oh" he said as she started to rotate his foot and than stroke his arch, working on to his toes, stroking and kneading them in small circles and she started to work on the ball of his foot and all over until he was moaning and sighed as she switched feet...when his sister came charging, in looking livid.

"Brother, I can hear you over the monitor; you cannot desecrate and pollute our onsen like this, if you wish to...what are you doing?" she asked at the odd scene they presented.

"I'm giving him a foot massage. Do you want one too?" Ukyo asked her.

"No, I'm good. Sasuke and I have packed up everything for Kisa, to transport her back to your place and I've left you some clean clothes in Tatewaki's room. I'm retiring for the evening, sweet dreams" she said leaving with as much dignity as she could muster.

"That was weird. What did she think we were doing in here?" Ukyo asked him.

Kuno just averted his eyes from her bikini top and said in a wry tone of voice "gee, I can't imagine."

He waited until she was dressed, relieved she was leaving. Her hair was still wet and she wore a black skirt and pink top. "Thanks for everything, but I have to ask you for another favour" she said as she cradled Kisa against her, marvelling that Kodachi had managed to knit Kisa a new sweater in the short time she was with her, Ukyo thought the pink colour was nice, but wasn't so sold on the black skull pattern.

He felt like his body was slumping against his will, "what would that be? Do you want me to paint your toenails? Make your bed?" he asked sarcastically.

"Can you show me how to bathe Kisa?" she asked him.

"Sure that's no problem" he said, relieved it wasn't something to do with her fondling and ogling his person. She watched as he tenderly bathed the small girl, to her obvious enjoyment as she splashed around and got his yukata damp and he only laughed as he wrapped her in a towel and hugged her.

"You seem to like playing with her. Feel free to come and visit her as long as she's staying with me" she offered.

"No there has been enough gossip about us" he said.

"Who gives a crap? We know the truth and those that know us, won't believe it" she said emphatically.

"We'll see about that" he said as he helped Ukyo dress Kisa in a clean diaper and clothes, he had to admit Ukyo had been improving as she expertly strapped her into her stroller and then surprised him by wrapping her arms around him and he found himself being hugged, and he settled his own arms around her and was surprised again when she kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks for everything Kuno, I'll see you tomorrow at school" she said to him, giving him a final tight squeeze and then wheeled Kisa away.

He was confused as to their encounter and thought about her asking what Kodachi and himself did on the weekends; the answer would haven been; she would be in her room and he in his as they strived to fill the hours until they returned to their respective school. He went to his room where no expense had been spared for his comfort and wondered why he felt curiously lonely.


	4. Chapter 4

Kuno had been trying to avoid having anything to do with Ukyo for a few days, but she seemed to be able to track him down wherever he went with the uncanny ability of a bloodhound, it wasn't because he didn't like her, it was just that he was annoyed that his entire life seemed to revolve around Kisa. He had Ukyo constantly asking him for help with whatever challenge was presented to her of Kisa's care and his own sister and House Ninja at home demanding visits from Kisa. Then there was all the cute looks he got from the female population when he was with Kisa; but that was another story. So he took the cowards way out and snuck out just before lunch officially started and found an obscure place on the school grounds and treated himself to a solitary picnic in the nice weather. He froze when he heard the familiar sound of the baby stroller wheels coming towards him."Ukyo, how did you find me?" he stammered.

"I saw you leaving and followed you" she said brightly, throwing herself stuff down and unbuckling Kisa and laying her down beside him, and taking a seat as well. "What a nice place, you naughty boy, had I realized you were planning a picnic, I would have packed one" she teased.

"I guess" he said neutrally.

"We shouldn't come here very often" she pointed out.

"Why's that?" he asked her with a frown.

"This is the make out point of the school yard. Didn't you know?" she asked him.

"You mean that people are going to think that...we're?" he stammered.

"No, people will know we have a chaperone" she said, indicating to Kisa. "Speaking of which, apparently I have a twin sister who attended all of my classes in my place while I was secretly giving birth at your place" she commented.

"And we tried to keep our love child a secret by bringing her to school with us? See? I told you, people are stupid. Ukyo, I know that I said I would help you out, but I think we shouldn't get together so much. I mean, I pretty much taught you all I know and you seem to be doing fine with Kisa now'" he suggested.

"You think I'm just hanging out with you to get parenting advice? Has it ever occurred to you that I've been seeking you out because I like you as a friend? Fine, if my company is not good enough for the _great and mighty Kuno_ , you can go to hell!" she snarled and started gathering up her stuff.

"Ukyo, I didn't mean it like that" he said with a frown, wondering why she looked hurt. "Of course I like you as well."

"No apparently you don't!" she said. "Honestly and here I thought you were enjoying my company. It's not like you're a real easy guy to get in know in the first place. It's like you and your sister are from another planet; population two and you are both trying to live only in that world. It's like you have a wall built up around yourself and the first time I have seen it come down, was the night you offered to help me with Kisa. Pardon me for starting to care about you. No one else has offered to do a thing for me, I asked Ranma to watch Kisa while I played softball with the girls during gym class as I had to be in the field and all he was doing was spinning on the rings and he dismissed me by saying. "Don't you have Kuno for that?"" she spat.

"I'm sorry, he said and hugged her. "It's just getting to me, I've been lumped in with you too, all these girls are saying how cute I am when I'm with Kisa, but when I ask them if they want to have tea with me or something. I get this look as if I'm about to torture a puppy in front of them and the question. "But what about Ukyo?" I'm just frustrated. Oh course I like you" he assured her and then went flame red as someone went by and muttered.

"Looks like they're trying for another kid."

Kuno just hung his head and sighed to always be caught the few times he had showed Ukyo any public affection and that was just in the form of hugs, he had discovered he really enjoyed them. "Motherfuckers" he said against her hair.

"Did you just swear?" she laughed.

"There are much more flowery ways to convey the same sentiment, but sometimes it's better to break it down to the basics. Am I forgiven?" he asked her.

"Yes, sorry how I got you involved in all this" she said.

"Least I can do, I wouldn't want Kisa dead" he teased her. "Perhaps I can look after her tonight if you need a break?" he suggested.

"I can handle her, besides it's grocery shopping night and people will probably have more mercy on me if I have her with me; it's double coupon night" she explained.

"What's a coupon?" he asked her with a frown.

"You have a lot to learn about living in the real world" she said. "You want to come help me?" she asked him.

"What is this place? Is there a celebrity in there?" he asked her as he stood in line with her.

"This is a grocery store and what is inside there is cheap food because of these" she explained showing him the coupons she had clipped. "Welcome to how the other half live; you take half and try and snag as many of these items as you can and then meet me at the checkout line in twenty minutes" she said.

"But, I don't know how to do any of this or how to find these things" he said, looking nervously at the crowd, they seemed like common everyday citizens but each one present seemed to possess a battle aura. Kuno was overwhelmed as the door were opened and everyone charged forward as Ukyo calmly slipped through the crowd with Kisa's stroller, oblivious to everything.

However Kuno was soon battling people for food as people snagged items as if they had more hands than an octopus and he found himself in tug-a-wars over produce. Ukyo could only gap as she met Kuno at the checkout with a cart full of some seriously beaten up looking vegetables and tinned items and sporting a black eye. "What happened?" she asked him.

"A man tried to steal a can of tuna out of an elderly woman's cart, so I stopped him" he explained.

"So he slugged you?" she asked him.

"No she tried to throw a can at him and got me instead; she was most apologetic" he said. "All in all, I would rather face my worst enemy then to ever have to buy food this way again" he commented, she just laughed and told him to put her bag of frozen peas on his eye while she paid for her purchases.

"See? I told you bought too much," Kuno commented as he wheeled the stroller full of groceries and carried Kisa at the same time and Ukyo had her grocery cart as well.

"No such thing as too much on double coupon day" she announced as she let them both into her place, find it oddly like they were married as he automatically set Kisa down and then helped her start carrying the bags into her kitchen. "Okay now what else do people do, who aren't from planet Kuno, do when they're done putting groceries away?" he asked her.

"They don't feel like cooking and go to the Neko Hanten for Chinese because they're going to be opening their restaurant soon. You game?" she asked him.

"Sure, my treat of course. I'll change Kisa's clothes because it's supposed get cooler tonight" he said.

She was surprised when Shampoo threw her arms around both of them. "Hi ya. Such cute baby, congratulations, I always know there something going on between two of you. You never can fool Shampoo," she said waggling her finger at them.

"Shampoo, you normally see me about twice a week. Don't you think you would have noticed if I was pregnant at any point?" Ukyo pointed out to her.

"And the only thing that is going on between us is friendship" Kuno added.

"But Nabiki tell me this! Damn I give that horrible woman five hundred thousand yen for nothing" she said and stomped away.

"Would you like a table?" Mousse suggested, stepping in for her while Shampoo left muttering about how she would give Nabiki the kiss of death.

"I wanted to talk to you about the whole bathing incident" he mentioned to Ukyo.

"What about it?" she asked him as she ate her chicken chow mein.

"You shouldn't be so familiar with males, you could run into a bad one and get hurt or gain a nasty reputation," he cautioned her.

"I can take care of yourself. Besides, I know I can trust you" she said dismissively.

"Yes you can trust me but I'm not your brother or anything, I'm a regular red blooded heterosexual male and am going to have bodily responses, involuntarily or not, if an attractive female presents herself mainly bare to me" he explained.

"Oh you think I'm doable" she said brightly.

"Oh never mind" Kuno said, rolling his eyes at her.

"Kuno wants to do the hot and nasty with me!" she chanted. "Perhaps we can do it in a shower with the lights off? Doesn't that sound romantic? Bare bodies touching while hot water cascades over us while we. ...Are you going to eat that last eggroll?" she asked him in an innocent sounding voice.

"You're going to be the death of me" he said sourly and couldn't help overhearing Mousse tittering at their exchange.

"Oh looks like someone needs changing. Rock, paper, scissors?" Ukyo asked, abruptly changing the subject.

"Okay" he said.

"You always do the paper" she said.

"Creature of habit. I'll be in the men's room" he said with a sigh.

"Looks like you two are having fun" Mousse commented.

"Kuno's a nice guy when you get to know him" she said.

"I always thought so. I guess you just have to do something to get him out of his self obsessed little world for that. So are you two...?" Mousse asked her.

"Friends" she firmly said.

"Just asking, enjoy your dinner" Mousse said with a grin.

"Thanks for dinner. I don't know how you can eat so much" she commented.

"I'm a growing boy" he replied.

"You're what six feet? How much more do you have to grow" she asked him.

"Why, you have a problem with tall guys?" he asked her.

"Not in the least, but I would do something about the clothes once in a while for some variety" she said.

"What's wrong with the way I dress?" he asked her.

"You look so medieval. I would like to see you in something more modern" she said and then stopped in front a department store and said,"let's go in."

"Why?" he asked her as she dragged in to the man's section. "Let's see the jean sizing in US sizing so thirty two waist by thirty two inseam ought to do, and size large for tops" she said as she dragged him around the store.

"But" he protested as she put a bundle of clothing into his arms and shoved him in the direction of the changing rooms.

"Come out" she demanded standing in front of his cubicle when a shamefaced Kuno emerged wearing blue relaxed fit jeans, a grey t-shirt and black hoodie.

"I look ridiculous" he complained studying himself in the mirror.

"Those jeans do wonders for your butt" she said.

"You think so? Okay I'll buy them...if we can go to the women's section" he said giving her an evil grin, "We still have time."

"Oh okay" she said

"Hello, I would like to have her try on that dress and that dress," he told the salesgirl. Let's see I guess her sizes to be; thirty four inch around the bust with a DD cup, twenty six sized waist and thirty four hips, so I would say a size small."You're not the only one who is good at guessing someone's sizes" he explained to her.

She glared at him while wearing a black velvet cocktail dress. "Where am I going to wear this; grocery shopping?" she complained.

"A woman should always have a little black dress in her wardrobe. However, we'll take the pink one too" he said, holding his charge card to the salesclerk."

"Your husband has excellent taste" she said.

"Oh you mean our daughter? We're not married, in fact we're living in sin and she's illegitimate. We just can't stop having sex; he's a real tiger in bed," Ukyo explained to her as Kuno blushed a colour that could only be described as puce.

"Did you have fun?" he asked her sourly.

"Yes" she said giving him a tight hug and her usual peck on the cheek. "However I have to go open my restaurant."

"I'll see you tomorrow" he said to her.

"What are you doing Friday night?" she asked him.

"You're asking me on a date?"

"As far as a date with a baby present can count. I'm planning to try Italian cooking and own a DVD of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I can show you and can teach you how to Time Warp; that's if you're interested." she suggested.

"It sounds extremely weird, but you're on. How do you mean try Italian cooking?" he asked her.

"Ever Friday, I choose a dish from another country and make it if I can get the ingredients. It's chicken parmesan for this Friday."

"I do enjoy Italian" he said. "Can I bring anything?"

"Mexican tequila and we'll do body shots" she said with a grin.

"I don't drink alcohol...what are those?" he asked.

"Look them up on the internet" she said and closed the door behind her.

Kuno did and blushed at what his search revealed and said Kasumi's usual expression, that she normally used when something made her feel somewhat uncomfortable and that was, "oh my."


	5. Chapter 5

Oh no, looks like a little romance is developing! Hope you're enjoying my fic and will leave reviews if you like it ;)

Ukyo had been hurt when Ranma refused to help her with her pole vaulting practice after school. He had been snappish with her as of late and she couldn't think of a reason why. So she had asked Kuno for help, as she always seemed to release the pole too fast and fall underneath the crossbar.

His response had been typical; he had agreed to coach her...for a favour and she wondered what they would be, it seemed she owned him a lot of favours!

She met Kuno wearing her gym outfit and he couldn't help noting that it looked good on her and shook his head to clear it and got down to business.

"Seriously, you brought a whistle?" she said in amusement, studying the grey sweat suited kendoist.

"I have to make this official in case you decide to slack. Funny how you can't figure out how to pole vault. I thought _anything_ to do with a pole was your thing" he teased her.

"Pole dancing is a lot different" she explained. "You could come and watch me you know," she volunteered.

"I'm sure your classmates would appreciate having a strange male gawk at them" he answered.

"People come and watch all the time, fathers and brothers mainly of course; you wouldn't look out of place. Besides you could practically pass as my brother" she pointed out as she stretched.

"How do you figure? We look nothing alike" he said to her, more out of curiosity than anything else.

"Our hair is practically the same shade of brown, we both have blue eyes and are long limbed" she explained. Touching her toes, to which he averted his eyes from the very "interesting" sight of her butt.

"But I'm not your brother and I would not advise you to treat me as such" he replied.

"I think I treat you more as Kisa's baby-daddy" she observed, looking over her shoulder. "That was a joke, Kuno. Yeesh, you need to lighten up" she said to his blush.

"I'm not the one who routinely seems to flaunt my body around" he said in a prim sounding voice. "I imagine you pole dance with lots of hip shimmies and pelvic thrusts."

"And spins; it's supposed to be sexy and I'll have to know that, I'm really, really good. I would blow your mind" she said, taking her pole, she planted it in place and started gyrating around it while looking seductively at him.

"Enough! Get to work!" Kuno snarled in a tight voice, not really understanding why she was having such an effect on him, she was so not his type. "I can't see why you have chosen to learn such a brazen dance style?" he sighed.

He made her try time and time again, until a crowd of people started to form and Ukyo good naturedly took their applause at each of her bloopers.

"Okay watch, like this" Kuno said as he sailed over the crossbar expertly and landed on his feet as gracefully as a cat.

"Now try again" he said and he buried his face in his hands in frustration as she knocked the crossbar right off and went crashing into the mat in a tangle of limbs. "Here is where you're going wrong." He put his hands on her back, "you're twisting your body too much to the left when you go to vault..." he explained...and his eyes went wide in shock when his Pigtailed Girl came running up to him.

"Oh Kuno, won't you take me to tea?" she asked and Ukyo and everyone else could only wonder why the air surrounding her went pink and airborne red flowers seemed to suddenly hover around her. Ukyo mainly wondered why Ranma was interrupting her practice and trying to claim Kuno for himself. Was he jealous perhaps?

"My love, my Pigtailed Girl" Kuno cried and then seemed to pull himself together. "Sorry, I won't be able to, I promised Ukyo that I would help her master skills she is lacking and then shall be dining with herself and Kisa later. I shall have more availability after next Tuesday is you wish to seek me out then" he said as he turned his back on her...not noticing everyone was frozen in shock.

"Kuno your hand is on my butt" Ukyo pointed out and he pulled it away like her taut flesh had scalded him and blushed and then Ukyo's mouth dropped open in shock when she fully grasped what Kuno had answered to Ranma."Kuno are you feeling okay?" Ukyo asked him, putting a hand on his forehead to check for fever.

"I'm just fine, I promised I would help you learn pole vaulting and then we have plans for the evening. It would be ungentlemanly for me to alter my plans so quickly," he explained, sounding oddly rational. "Besides I would hate to disappoint my favourite girl" he explained and Ukyo could feel herself going red in the face at this and felt oddly...elated. "After all, Kisa's only with us for a short time longer. Now get back to work" he ordered her, blowing his whistle. She gripped the pole and ran forward and thrust it into ground and vaulted up and over the suspended crossbar, clearing it just fine and then over the mat too.

"Look out, Ukyo's going to fall to the ground!" someone cried and she braced herself for impact, when strong arms came around her in the air, cradling her and that person absorbed the impact of both of them as they landed heavily on their feet. She turned towards him, expecting it to be Ranma in how he always seemed to rescue Akane that way, but it was Kuno and she turned to see that Ranma was just glaring them from his same position as before and her heart broke a little at this.

"Are you okay?" Kuno asked her, worried for her.

"How romantic" a girl sighed and Kuno blushed and realized he was still holding Ukyo and hastily set her on her feet.

"I'm fine" she assured him, tugging her shirt down as it had ridden up a bit.

"I think that's enough for today" he said.

"Is Ukyo okay?" Daisuke asked.

"I'm fine" she assured him.

"I just wanted you both to know that I don't believe the gossip about you two" he told them.

"Thanks, at least someone doesn't" Ukyo remarked to Kuno

"In fact, I was wondering what you are doing next Wednesday?" Daisuki asked. "I run a board night every Wednesday."

Kuno just looked at Ukyo for translation.

"Game board night; like Monopoly" she explained.

"What's that?" he asked them.

"What games did you play as a kid?" Ukyo asked him, out of curiosity

"The usual ones; hide and seek, tag, battle reenactments, proper weapons care, the closet game, how to win prizes by memorizing sonnets; that sort of thing" he explained.

"What was the closet game?" Daisuke asked him.

"You know; the one where your mother locks you in a closet and you have to be a quiet as possible or the monster will get you" he explained. "I once managed five hours before I pounded on the door to be let out" he said proudly.

"What _exactly_ was your mother like?" Ukyo asked him as she shared a look of shock with Daisuke.

"I prefer not to talk about her" he answered and walked away.

"I think I would have hated to go to sleepovers at the Kuno Mansion" Daisuke commented with a shudder.

Kuno was surprised when Ukyo had another male with her when he arrived at her place and wondered who her suitor was and frowned that this seemed to make him feel...jealous.

Ukyo smiled and waved at him when he walked in, "hey Kuno, this is Toru Kimoto" she introduced and her companion stood up and...for once Kuno had to look up at someone. He took in other boy's powerful build, his abundant dark curls and large dark eyes and quickly summed him up to be a pretty boy and loathed him on sight.

"So this is the virgin?" he said, regarding Kuno.

"I do not see what business that is of yours!" he coldly said while his cheeks flamed.

Ukyo looked like she was about to burst out laughing. "Toru is our Dr. Frank N Furter from Rocky; he means that anyone who hasn't seen Rocky in theaters is considered to be a virgin. Not in the usual sense of the word" she explained.

"And don't think you're getting your cherry popped tonight; seeing it on DVD does not count" Toru said.

"I wasn't thinking _anything_ of the sort" Kuno assured him, bewildered by the intense young man.

"Toru's a horrible snob when it comes to people viewing it outside the theater" Ukyo explained.

"They never should have released it" he snarled. "However, I have to go. Nice meeting you" he said, pulling on his leather jacket and picking up his motorcycle helmet.

"That's one interesting young man," Kuno dryly commented "He's very tall."

"Ummm, yes he's six foot, six inches tall. Isn't that about six inches taller than you?" Ukyo asked him from the kitchen where she was pounding chicken breasts with a meat tenderizer.

Kuno just chose to ignore her question, "he's rather handsome" he commented.

"Really? I would say more pretty then handsome...and what a body on him" Ukyo said with a sigh.

"Glad you think so," he said coldly.

"He's a tattoo artist as well, I do like them artistic" she said, seeming to stare into space. "In fact, I would say go as far as to say that he's positively dreamy and kind and generous and sweet."

"How nice you have met such a prince," he replied.

"Did I mention sexy?" she asked.

"Wonderful" Kuno spat.

"However, he also looks great in lingerie," Ukyo added.

"Is he gay?" Kuno asked with a frown.

"No, you'll see who Dr. Frank N Furter is soon. Toru's also married to our Magenta. Are you jealous?" she asked him.

"Of course not" he snapped.

"Aw you hear that Kisa? Kuno's jealous and he wants to marry me and have lots of you" she cooed to Kisa, who seemed to laugh at this and clap her hands at the idea.

"I'm not and most definitely to not to either suggestion" he insisted with a frown, while he blushed.

"I'm just teasing you. Here, try my marinara sauce," she suggested.

"Needs more shallots" he commented.

"Could you cut some while I bread the chicken? Think you can handle a paring knife?" she asked with a sweet smile.

"Oh I think I can. I'll have you know that my largest katana is larger than your entire body length" he replied as he started to chop.

"One day I'll have to check out your weapon" she said, grinning at her double entendre and he just looked at her sharply, almost cutting off his little finger in the process and glaring at her smirk that she noticed it.

"That was great" he said as he brought the plates to the sink for her and helped her clear the table.

"I like using swiss cheese when I make it, it's more flavourful that way" she replied. "Why don't you put on the movie while I go put on my costume?" she suggested. He did and then almost gasped out loud when she returned wearing red and black gauntlets, a black front lace corset, PVC panties, black and red striped stockings and tall black PVC platform high heels.

"You wear that in public?!" he exclaimed.

"Under my clothes, I take them off when I get to the theater. I never get hassled, who's going to bother me when I'm there with Toru dressed in lingerie?" she explained, turning before Kuno to give him the full effect. "Come on; it covers more than my bathing suit does" she pointed out.

"Certainly _not_ the one from the other evening" he said, trying not to stare too much and reminding himself that that was true of her average bathing suits; but still he was a teenaged boy and she was a beautiful female wearing revealing lingerie, so he turned so she didn't see his 'salut' to her.

"So does that mean you want to go to the beach with me over the weekend?" she asked him sweetly; obviously not helping with his current situation.

"I don't think there's a katana large enough in the world to defend you from perverts if you wore that bundles of strings there," he muttered as he sat beside her to watch the movie.

"You know, it's hard for me to learn the plotline if you keep on commenting over it" he pointed out to her at her making remarks during the film.

"Oh sorry" she said

"You mean to say that Toru goes as _that guy_?" Kuno cried when Tim Curry's character was introduced.

"Yup" was all Ukyo said.

"He must be very comfortable in his masculinity" Kuno mused.

"He's the winner of the Mr. Best Beach Body three years running" Ukyo replied. "Okay, it's dance time," she said picking up Kisa. "Up you get" she commanded Kuno.

"I don't know how to dance to this" he said dubiously. "I'm more a ballroom man myself."

"It's really easy; okay first, hands up and then turn around, hands up and then spin in a circle waving your arms around like this. Good. Jump to your left, then move your right foot to the side, in and out while doing the same motion with your right hand. Then put your hands on your hips, good...slowly bend your knees forward and thrust, then rotate your hips" she ordered and stood behind him make sure he was doing it properly.

"This is a crazy dance" he commented, finding himself laughing.

"Glad you like it and again..." she ordered him. "Okay the song is over, now collapse on the floor"

"Why?" he asked her.

"They do it in the movie, watch" she indicated and then they were both lying side by side, laughing as Kisa lay on Ukyo's breast.

Ukyo enjoyed watching Kuno laugh; his normal laugh was almost as grating as his sister's but his natural one was nice. They looked at each other and suddenly they weren't laughing anymore. He shifted until he leaned over her and bent to kiss her, she reached forward with her free hand and cupped the soft nape of his neck as he softly stroked the apples of her checks, their lips had almost just met when a tiny hand came up and blocked them and Kisa babbled at them in baby talk as if demanding they stop and both people started apart with a blush.

"I-I'm sorry, I have been told I have horrible impulse control " Kuno stammered.

"I-It's okay, no harm done but we have to keep our relationship platonic; Ranma and all that you know" Ukyo said with a nervous chuckle and wondered what would have happened if Kisa hadn't stopped them.

"Of course; my fault. I guess with all the rumours abound, reality begins to blur. I think it best we not be alone together, there are other people to consider. I should leave" he suggested, hoping she would say no.

"Only if you feel it necessary" she said, wondering why she felt so disappointed as she switched the movie off.

"Thanks, I had a great time. Perhaps I could borrow your movie and watch the rest of it?" he asked her.

"Sure" she said and handed it to him and she gave him a final hug and he gently pressed a soft kiss against her cheek.

"How was your night brother-dear? Kodachi asked him when he returned home.

"Not bad" he said neutrally. "Want to watch a movie with me?" he asked, figuring it was time to return to Planet Kuno; it was obvious his interplay with the natives of Planet Earth was not wanted.

"What in heaven's are we watching? Ukyo sure has some bizarre taste" Kodachi commented, clearly enjoying herself. He watched as she started gyrating to Time Warp and could have taught her how to dance to it, but didn't feel like it at the moment. He thought Kodachi's comment in regards to Ukyo's taste and reflect on Ranma and said "she sure does"

Ukyo got changed into her normal clothes and bathed and got Kisa ready for bed and felt like the baby was looking at her in a reproachful manner. "Oh come on Kisa; the only one for me is Ranma, no matter how you prefer Kuno" she said and wondered if she was talking to Kisa or herself.


	6. Chapter 6

Final chapter warnings are in effect for today :)

Ukyo was having lunch with Kuno and Kisa in the Kendo club, "come on, just try it on" she suggested, giving him a large-eyed, persuasive stare.

"No way" he commented, wrinkling his nose at the very idea.

"You know you want to" she urged him.

"I don't like that kind of thing and you know it" he insisted stubbornly.

"I'll put mine on if you'll put yours on; come on, no one's here and we don't want to offend your sister when she went through all that trouble to make them."

"My sister always did have a sick sense of humour" he replied, glaring at the offending object.

"It's not going to kill you" she said, holding it out to him.

"I'll never hear the end of it if we are discovered" he said with panic in his voice. "I have a reputation to uphold."

"Quit being a baby and quickly try it on for just one minute" she demanded.

"If I were a baby, I wouldn't care so much" he snapped. "Okay but _just_ for a minute" he said and put on the offending garment and they both looked in the mirror together. "Wow I look stupid. What are the purpose of these outfits?" he asked her.

"They're polar fleece adult onesies" Ukyo explained.

"Yes I get that, but do they _**both**_ have to be hot pink with hoods with adjustable rabbit ears?" he complained. "I mean, it's not like we're in the North Pole, we're in humid Japan. Where are we supposed to wear these?"

She chuckled and bent one of his ears so it cocked forward at an angle, "I think you look adorable and they do fit perfectly. A costume party perhaps?" she suggested.

"I wouldn't be caught dead in these" he snapped.

"She made matching ones for Kisa" Ukyo pointed out.

"Great we can give these to her parents when they come to collect her" Kuno concluded as he scurried out of his as fast as a, well, bunny and jammed them as far down in his desk drawer as he could, as if trying to banish them to hell itself. He gave a guilty start when they were interrupted by an angry looking Ranma.

"Well look at this cozy little scene? Don't you lovebirds look like you're having fun?" he said in a sickeningly sweet sounding voice and Ukyo rapidly took off her onesies.

"What do you mean by that Ranma Saotome?" Kuno asked in a threatening tone of voice.

"So how long have you been fucking Kuno?" he asked of Ukyo herself.

"Ranma, you see me practically every day; surely you don't think the rumours are true? I told you, I'm only watching Kisa as a favour to her parents. I'm not with Kuno anymore than he is with me. What you're looking at is a simple friendship that developed out of kindness on Kuno's part" she explained.

"Yet you're always together, brat or no brat. So again, how long has my so-called fiancée been fucking you, Kuno?"he asked him.

"I don't like what you're implying. Look," he called as he shoved Kisa into Ranma's arms, "how about that? Ranma has black hair and blue eyes just like Kisa. Perhaps you have some explaining to do?" he suggested with a sneer. "Ukyo is a friend to me; nothing more. She's in love with you for some odd reason, not that you ever pay her any attention. You ever think that she might want some companionship once in a while?"

"Kuno why did you say that?" Ukyo questioned him.

"I get blamed for impregnating a girl by trying to be kind and decent to someone. Of course no one would think that of the charming and clueless Ranma; I've had it. Don't worry, I'll stay away from Ukyo so I don't pollute her with my vile and perverse tendencies" Kuno said, packing up his stuff.

"Kuno, don't be silly" Ukyo objected.

"I challenge you for Ukyo' Ranma said.

"She's not a trophy to be won. If you want to win her, treat her kindly and with respect" he said.

"Oh look, how noble and self sacrificing you become when it comes to defending the girl you're fucking" Ranna snarled.

"Ranma, how can you even _think_ that of me?" Ukyo asked in a voice thick with emotion.

"That's it, I accept your challenge, but not for her hand. But to make you pay for the damage you just tried to do to her reputation" Kuno snarled, thrusting his bokken towards him.

"No stop this. Ranma, apologize and all will be forgiven" Ukyo demanded.

"Oh, she's worried I'm going to hurt her lover!" he taunted her.

"How can you imply this about me?" she demanded. "We grew up together!"

"I'll see you after school at the ball diamond" he said to Kuno, ignoring her.

Kuno and Ukyo regarded each other silently, "are you okay?" he asked her as she was uncharacteristically quiet.

"Cancel your fight with Ranma, I told you I care nothing about my reputation, even if it involves Ranma. It's not like someone sullied the names of Akane Tendo or your Pigtailed Girl; it's not personal to you" she ordered him.

"It is very personal to me that he insulted you" Kuno answered."Besides I find myself no longer caring about either girl" he admitted.

"You mean me?" she asked him in surprise.

"I like you...as more than a friend," he admitted. I know you're probably not enamored of this idea. I won't be a burden to you or try to claim you in any way. You've already explained to me that I have a tendency to choose women who don't want me. Therefore I'm willing to accept any level of friendship you will grant me; you already have the one you desire."

"But why? I thought you didn't much care for certain aspects of my character" she said.

"You're not the sort I normally tend to fall for. You have questionable morals, so I can't tell if you have been with one man or a hundred...yet I don't seem to care. You lack any sort of feminine modesty. You're stubborn and proud and your taste in movies is questionable at best...and I wouldn't change a thing about you."

"But I don't know..." she said.

"I will try and explain myself to you, you once asked about my Mother; she didn't much like small children and deserted us and my father when we were pretty young, and my father left soon afterwards. We were primarily raised by Sasuke. We had always been taught that the other children in school were beneath us, so Kodachi and I had no one but each other. I've never really had any real friends. I guess in our isolation, we started in imitate each other in our need to feel superior to people and live up to our family name. It's my problem not yours" he explained.

"I care for you too" she started.

"Yes as a combination of brother and girlfriend" he said, but without bitterness.

"I don't want you to get hurt this afternoon" she said, feeling confused. She had never been in a situation where someone was stripping themselves bare to her emotionally and she didn't know how to react.

"That's something. That's enough for me. I'll be fine, it's not like Ranma's going to kill me or anything" he assured her.

"But this is not your fight!" she protested.

"Yes it is, he cannot compromise you and hope to get away with it. Don't worry, if I win I promise not to force you live with me. Concubines were a norm in my family centuries ago, but that's all illegal now" he assured her.

"You are joking right?" she asked him.

"I am" he assured her.

"You know that you won't win. Ranma's not much more skilled than you, but has a larger variety of moves of which to draw on" she pointed out.

"At least I'll have tried. However now is the time for me to collect my favours from you; I want you to kiss me on the lips, a peck is fine. I just want to be kissed by you at least once" he said almost desperately.

She took him in her arms and did so, just brushing her soft lips against his own.

The entire school had turned up for Kuno and Ranma's showdown. For Ukyo it was surreal experience to be cheering for the opposing team. Ranma was confident and Nabiki was collecting bets. As for Ukyo, she stood near Kuno with Kisa's stroller. "It's not too late to back out" she said.

"Yes it is, I won't be thought a coward. I shall go down fighting" he said.

"Good luck" she said, wanting to give him one final hug before blast off time, but refrained. She was careful to stay way back while the two battled it out as she fed Kisa.

Kuno was actually managing to hold his own against Ranma, mainly thanks to some hand to hand moves, Ukyo had asked Shampoo to teach Kuno and the girl had surprised her by agreeing to it. These helped when he lost his bokken, but in the end, Ranma was simply better and with what seemed like an evil smile, sent him flying.

Ukyo sighed and let out a piercing whistle and two volunteers from the Kendo club appeared with a stretcher as she had asked them too. Settling Kisa in her stroller, she said. "Looks like we're heading due west boys" she observed, pointing in the direction Kuno had taken flight.

"Well looks like you're mine" Ranma said, taking a hold of her arm.

"So what are you going to do with me; move me into your room in the Tendo house? I don't think so," she snapped, yanking it from his grasp.

"I won you" he snarled.

She noticed that the two stretcher bearers had put it down and they were wielding their own bokkens; appearing to be ready to charge Ranma at his trying to claim her, she realized that they weren't doing it for her, but out of loyalty to Kuno; it was like being the boss's wife or something and she found it kind of...hot, then Ukyo realized she wasn't sure that she even liked Ranma anymore and signaled for them to put them down. "I'm a free person and I shall choose who I want to be with. You have no claim on me, you lost that privilege when your father, took my father's cart and ditched me beside the road. I renounce you as my fiancé" she said, feeling freer than she ever had in her entire life.

"So you're with Kuno now?" he snapped.

"I'm with who I decide to be with" she replied, leaving with a spring in her step.

They found Kuno in a public fountain, somehow the figurine of a mermaid's head had broken off and his own head had replaced it on her body as water continued to splash him in the face. It took no time to get him home and Ukyo had them put him to bed.

Both boys started blushing when Ukyo started stripping his clothes from him. "Uh, you should wait. I'm sure Upper Classman Kuno wouldn't like a member of the opposite sex removing his clothes" the first one ventured.

"Upper Classman Kuno can complain to me all he wants when he regains consciousness. I'm sure he'll be taking them off in front of a girl someday, if he hasn't already" she observed as she yanked his hamaka pants off of him.

"But he's..." he protested.

"He's soaking wet and we need to make him comfortable. I'm in a mood gentlemen, and ready to tear his uniform right off of him...and yours too if you try and stop me. So thanks for your help; I can take it from here" she said, ushering them out.

"You fucking idiot" she raged as she slipped his Kendogi off of him and blinked in surprise at his purple paisley print silk boxer shorts. "Nice shorts, let's keep these a secret between the two of us, Liberace" she commented as she pulled them from him and threw the blankets over him, tucking him in. "I told you not challenge Ranma but nooooo, you never seem to listen to me. Less than a week ago you were just this pain in the ass, egotistical rich man-bitch that Ranma sent flying so often it was almost funny! You could have just stayed that way as far as I was concerned but, you had to be nice and offer me help with Kisa...and now I care about you. I didn't want to. **Who the hell voluntarily gets involved with a Kuno?** **All three of you are a bunch of whackadoodles that should be locked up for your own protection!** " she snapped at him.

"Look I'm going to explain something about myself to you as you did to me; it's so much easier when you can't hear me. You say that I have no feminine modesty; I never had a chance to develop any. I was out on the road with my father since I was really young and there I met Ranma and he was my first crush. I thought we would grow up together and marry according to our father's agreement but they left me beside the road like a sack of rotten potatoes. After that I became the object of ridicule; that I couldn't keep a man, so I chose to be a guy. I went to a guy's school and that was no place to have feminine modesty, I learn to be adapt and have no body shame. I've never been to a school dance or on a date because the joke was, that I would wear a tuxedo! I was fully prepared to continue living as a male until I found Ranma again and he made me feel like a woman, not sexually, but emotionally. I've never been the girl in the pretty dress flirting about; I've never had the time! I had to make my way on the world for years while _you_ were play at being a Samurai and your sister playing with dolls. Hey sounds like you had a sucky home life too, not saying you had it easy either. **But I built a life for myself and I had Ranma back! Now I have nothing!** " she cried as her voice shook with emotion.

"You think you know how it feels not to fit in? Well guess what? Join the club! Every guy I had a crush on before coming here left me for typical girls; they would discuss how cute the girl was in front of me! I've had so many people assuming I was a lesbian. You want to know why I enjoy pole dancing so much? It was the most feminine type of dance I could find where a woman flaunts her sexuality. I love it for that reason. Consider it to be my way of reclaiming my femininity. You don't have to be a girly girl to be sexy! **Now do you understand? You want to know how many guys I've had sex with? Zero; you were my first kiss. That make you happy, you pompous fool?** **I don't need you or your fucked up family in my life! You are irritating and stubborn and you have a hell of a sense of entitlement, hell you're the very definition of the word arrogant and...I think I'm falling for you** " she shrieked at him and then felt better, her anger all abated. Kuno had slept through her whole tirade, she sighed and examined him, except for a bump on his head, minor bruising and a sprained wrist, he seemed to be in pretty good shape. She taped up his wrist and then tucked him in again.

Kuno opened to his eyes to find Ukyo softly singing an English song to Kisa and pretended to still be asleep just to listen as she sang "And you can tell everybody this is your song, It may be quite simple but now that it's done, I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words; How wonderful life is while you're in the world" while she tiptoed the fussy baby around in a soft dance moves. She broke off to whisper "come on Kisa, Uncle Kuno needs his rest."

"So I'm her uncle now?" he commented.

"Are you okay?" she asked him and surprised him by getting on top of the blankets and giving him a hug after setting Kisa in her stroller.

"I feel okay...and exposed. I assume that was _your_ doing?" he asked her.

"You were soaking wet..." she protested and he silenced her with a finger to her lips.

"I heard you" he said.

"B-but how, you were unconscious?" she stammered, blushing.

"You were pretty loud" he observed.

"I didn't mean to be so insulting" she apologized.

"But I am those things, however I am striving to become a better person" he said with a shrug. "So why don't you get undressed and get into bed with me and I'll show you how good I can be?" he said with a seductive smile.

"R-right now? But what about Kisa?" she stammered as he gently pulled her shirt from out of her pants as he nipped the pulse point of her neck and his large hands quested upwards and she gulped as she remembered she wore only a bra that day and then gulped again as he quickly unfastened her pants. She was nervous, yet too excited to stop him as no one had ever touched her sexually before and she welcomed his caresses.

"She won't remember," he said as began to work on the buttons of her shirt one at a time and then laughed. "I thought you had no feminine modesty?" he commented as he redid her buttons.

"I ought to kill you" she said, still blushing as her heart raced.

"Ukyo, I want us both to be ready when...and if we take that step, to be prepared so neither of us to gets swept away and we have one like Kisa so early on in life," Kuno explained.

"So you do...desire me?" she asked him suspiciously.

"Of course, but I don't want either of our first times to be with me all beat up and Kisa about to blow her top as she did the last time, and all we were doing was trying to kiss. We need to let our relationship grow first, it's too new and too soon" he explained. "Are you willing to give us a try?"

"I am if you are" she said.

"Then let's kiss on it, after all a kiss is what opens doors to possibilities, it all depends on you to accept my invitation" he said. Their kiss was sweet and gentle and she lay her head on his shoulder afterwards with a sigh.

"You should go get Kisa home and open your restaurant," he reminded her.

She gave him a tender smile and said, "I don't want to leave."

"Well no one's going to make the okonomiyaki for you, besides you only have Kisa for one more night. You should go enjoy your time with her, you can see me anytime" he reminded her.

"You don't mind?" she asked him.

"Of course not. I'll be here," he assured her.

The next night the Onos' were delighted to be reunited with their daughter and gushed over her. "Was she any trouble?"Aiko asked her.

"None in the least" Kuno said as he joined them and put an arm around Ukyo.

"This is my boyfriend, Tatewaki Kuno. He helped me with her" Ukyo said, putting her arm around his waist.

"It's a great idea to teach men parenting skills when they're young" Aiko teased Ukyo and she pinched Kuno's butt as he struggled not to laugh. "However, I thought you said you were engaged?'

"That didn't work out, I hope to be again sometime in the future" she said looking at him playfully.

"Well until then, we would be happy to keep you in mind as Kisa's primary babysitter" Aiko said.

"We'd be delighted, bye" Kuno said as he waved at the departing couple.

"I'm going to miss her, but it's almost pole dancing time. Are you in?" she asked him.

"Do you wear something sexy while you dance?" he asked her.

"My body sticking to the pole is vital for my safety; so booty shorts, a sports bra and high heels" she explained.

"And you _dance_ really sexy?" he said.

"Extremely" she teased.

"We might want to stop at a drugstore on the way over...for afterwards of course" he commented in a tight voice and she just smiled.

THE END


End file.
